The train journey

It was 31st of december 2008.I was waiting for Maurya express at mujaffarpur railway station .Train was as usual few  hours late  so i was just aimlessly  roaming  around.I tell you waiting for trains is very boring specially when you are alone.So to take respite from boredom i went to see rather analyse the reservation chart.Like any other normal guy of my age, first thing that i reckon in such reservation charts is the number of female(18-25) passengers.An overwhelming figure gives you a happy feeling.It’s not like that i am desperate or capitalise on such occasions .On the contrary i am  very timid and introvert kind of guy and forget chating ,can’t even make eye contact if my fellow passenger is even moderately beautiful.But if she’s  a  plain jane situation changes and i don’t feel that shy, however still reluctant to chat.But that doesn’t matter.I feel, “a beautiful company makes your journey beautiful” and it’s equally applicable to a journey called life.Anyways my scanning didn’t go futile as i found two names(females) of age around 20 in my neighbourhood.I was idiotically elated as if i was goin to see my prospective bride.After 4 hours of long wait finally the train came,i took my luggage and boarded on it.The first thing that i did was ,washed my face and applied some water on my hair and properly tucked my shirt .I firmly endorse the saying  that ‘first impression is the last impression’ and after being completely sure about my appearance i  entered into the coach.I thought it will be very disappointing, if the girl for whom i did so much preparation  turn out to be a  plain jane but i was lucky and my preparation paid off.To my surprise the girl was exceptionally beautiful,a beauty rarely encountered.she was very fair ,having sharp appealing features and her attire was simple.She was sitting just in front of me and i was finding it very difficult to raise my head and look straight so i was looking left and right.when i was grappling with my concentration problem ,then suddenly to my respite a newspaper vendor came.”Times of india  and one business & economy”, i ordered.Even though i had read TOI of that day and would have preferred filmfare if it had been any other dull journey but the journey was special and lovely. So i thought it would project an intellectual and sober image.I turned to editorial page although i was not at all interested.  The inevitable happened,i  completely failed to comprehend the article as my mind was somewhere else.

After 30 mins or so when pain of reading or pretending to read become unbearable i took my PDA out of my pocket and started tinkering with it.I left no stone unturned to impress her.I was expecting sooner or later she will say something and then i ll add momentum but she remained quiet and calm.Her silence had further intensified my admiration and curiosity for her.Till next 3-4 hours things continued in same fashion,nothing much happened ,she remained quiet and serene and i was trying to decipher the beautiful enigma.

 

Then a man(25-30 yrs of age) came and sat next to her.It seemed to me that he was her friend or relative ,probably came from another compartment.Though there was sharp contrast in their apperance and body language,as sharp as in  salt and pepper.He took a packet of gutka and offered her too.To my surprise and shock, she consumed it very immaculately and asked him”daant ke beech se aap thook fenkne payenge”(can u spit its jet  between ur teeth).That was the first sentence i heard from her mouth and i tell u the castle of  her personality that i was building for last 4-5 hours collapsed immediately and i was simply dumbstruck.Deception at its very best.Immediately i kept TOI  and business and economy deep in my bag.One thing that happened to me after that incident was that ,she no longer seemed beautiful to me .I just wondered how deceptive looks can be and realized that face is facade.Its the way you talk ,your thoughts ,your body language and your knowledge makes  your personality.

Joie de vivre

Live every day as your last day because in doing so one day you are going to be correct.Life is very short and divided into stages , each stage has its own significance,its own purpose.A general trend, which i find quite bizzare rather incomprehensible to my  simple mind  is ,of  abnegating pleasure of today for tomorrow.Most of us have spent ,spending and will spend our life for making an elusive  future ,which always inches away from us as we move closer to it.Remember, only today is real. Tomorrow never comes .What is so-called forsightedness ,i feel is actually hypermetropia in which we fail to see ,how our today is sacrificing  for our tomorrow.Quite often, we abandon many of our  desires just to fulfill a hypothetical desires, which we feel we will have tomorrow.It’s just like trimming wings of a bird day by day,expecting  that it will fly higher  in  future.Ironical !!Take a simple example,When it rains ,manytimes our heart says “go go go … drench urself and dance on the tunes of  nature,forget everything and fly fly fly….”, but how  many times we do that, we rarely do because two things comes to our conscious mind immediately-one is that we may fall ill(again future planning) and second is that we unnecessarily care about people around us,After all we have to live with them,What they will think  ,we are suppose to behave  in a so called sophisticated or urbane  manner.No wonder its also associated with future planning,its painting an image of ours  we want to show to the world tomorrow.A dull, artificial image who’s real character has faded into oblivion or is in moribund state taking its last gasp and seriously looking for  revival.

There is a large ground in my locality ,which has a clear view from my balcony.In rainy season,some groups play football there and i just watch them wistfully.I get a vicarious pleasure from seeing themplaying ,seeing them mired, shouting,celebrating .It fills me with excitement.Alas!! i cant join them ,i cant have that fun because today i am expexted to study and whole life(so-called) is ahead of me  and i ll have ample time for fun in future.Is it so?Twenty three years have passed and i don’t know for which tomorrow i am abnegating myself.I fully endorse a famous saying that quotes”Never take life too seriously,you won’t get alive out of it”.Life is for fun,have fun, smile and make people smile ,don’t supress desires,

Consider it as a thoughtless article  lacking vision,impractical or philosophy of a hedonist.Reject it or accept it but try to reckon ,atleast once what you have lost…

Climax of an ephemeral life

Three years ago we started a  journey in pursuit of a dream,now it’s about to over ,barely six or seven effective months are left.How often it happens ,when your journey becomes your destination?You long for some more time to be with your companions,you start enjoying the journey and a sight of destination brings a mixed feeling of  elation and a pain of segregation.I guess it rarely happens,but this is what happening to me.These days i find my self drowned deep in tsunami of nostalgia.

Everyday ,as we are getting closer to distances,memories are striking my mind more violently.well, cynics may say,that the place is not worthy of being nostalgic about…after all,what it has offered to  us.yes, so far,it has failed miserably in assuring a secured future to a large chunk. But emotions  are pristine in nature they dont believe in give and take.

There are countless  eternal memories attached  with this college.The gamut of emotions and expressions .I still remember how excited i was on  college’s  first day,concept of  new friends ,roommate,maals(beautiful girls),hanging out in canteen ,bunking lecture and going to movies or dhabas with friends,addabazi and desire to do every thing under the bright sun ,everything was so fascinating.It’s here only, i understood the meaning of “we”,earlier i was rather confined to “I”.

We laughed ,we cried,we empathized,we fought,we abused,we celebrated ,we loved….and the list goes on and on.So many things we did together  that have etched deep into our heart ,like mass   bunk,nightouts,boozing,rebellion(college fest 2K7) ,writing lab journals,preparation for exams,longing for totas .Now we are going,three years have passed in wink of an eye.Well for some people these three years were no less than an ordeal and that has valid reasons but nothing is perfectly beautiful or perfectly ugly.Even a dark night has some consolation in form of  bright stars.We should try to savour those beautiful memories and forget the rest, because years after we are eventually going to forget bad ones,unless something very traumatic happened to us. so ther’s no point in dampening the joy of present by fretting over insignificant things.

One thing is for sure, no matter how fertile wife i am going to have ,i bet i will never ever get such a big family of which i have been a part of for last three years,so why not have unlimited fun in last moments and give a scintillating adieu to this ephemeral life.College life.

remember that HOLI?

yesterday was just an another day for me.Albeit i woke up  early to catch 3rd odi between India and New Zealand.I was all set to savour the riveting contest between the two teams .So  i took  my cup of tea and jumped on sofa with great excitement ,pounced on TV remote (not because of a sense of insecurity but because of sheer excitement).Alas! but there was no power.Huhh!! immediately all my hopes dashed as i was quite desperate (as desperate as a drowning man in middle of a sea is for an island)  to watch the match because it was the only mean for timepass. To seek some respite from boredom  i went to terrace and started reading a novel by satyajit ray but i could not concentrate .My attention was somwhere else on a group of elated  kids playing holi noisily.All of them were painted from top to bottom running after one another to colour  already coloured bodies .How excited and exuberant they were.I was so engrossed in  spectating their romping that i didnt realize when memories took me way back into my heydays.

I remember how excited i use to be on holi.A week before i with my friends use to collect tyres,tubes,scraps,bushes etc for ‘holika dahan’.On holika night we use to make mashals and drums(usually a tin can),we use to collect kerosene oil from our neighbours( we had no igo at that time).At night when significant crowd assembled we use to torch the holika,shouting ,playing drums ,singing holi songs.The next day from very early in the  morning i use to start preparing for the day like rubbing oil on my body so that later it may become easy to remove colors,filling colors in balloons and water tanks and after all these preparations i use to don old dress.After that we  use to gather at one place ,make tolis and visit entire colony in our quest to paint everyone.we had very rustic way to bade adieu to colors and clays.We use to wash ourself in the pond called buttum talab in our locality(now that has been converted into water park) .So much fun we had…….That was probably the last holi which i want to remember. 

ahhh!!! how great were those days.Now only memories are left.

JAI HO Rahman

Finally the moment came that India was waiting for a long.Now we can flick our crossed fingers and allow them to make double [V] because the czar of Indian music has conquered the world.Yes,the great thing that was to be happen a long before has finally happened and with a bang.A.R.rahman bagged two oscars 09 for his stupendous performance in highly acclaimed and much talked about movie slumdog millionaire.What we are feeling now is something unprecedented.Ya i m feeling great because  i have witnessed history ,a golden history that our progenies will talk about .Jai ho  rahman

HOLYSHIT!! this wasn’t my dream

One thing about which i was very sure in my life was my academics.Even the thought of  a C grade or getting backlogs was something very alien to my mind.But now the things have changed and i am no more what i always wanted to be.The far fetched nightmare has come almost at kissing distance.The” me ” of my dream has faded into oblivion and i am heading towards a bleak prospect ,helpless though.The most frustrating aspect is that i know  my ailment ,i know its treatment but i can’t cure it .The root of my downfall lies in my obsession with Dota(Warcraft 3).Late night gamings atleast for 4 hrs plus rigorous post match discussion after evry match offers you a very little  time to sleep,to study and for extra curricular activities.No wonder i wake in morning castigating myself for my sparse willpower and every morning i promise myself that ” enough is enough and no more dota”.But every time this no changes to one and one to few and few to many.Like everyother parent my parents expect something better from me but i dont know how genuine are there expectations and how far they are going to be fulfilled if i continue like this. I dont blame the game but the  false complacency and poor willpower inside me.Another very bizzare thought that i sensed that instead of being focussing on my own betterment i have been concerned with what others doing,if they are playing then i should also play. Doesnt matter if we are relegating to a inferior league as long as we are relegating in group- like what we witnessed after 5th sem results.Our dota clan performed very poorly from their standards. I think its time for some introspection and rediscover we of ourselves.And this is absolutely necessary as global recession is furthur aggravating the problem.So its time to pawn Dota mania.

Regrets in retrospect

I have never slept with any ugly woman,but definitely woke up with few.some of my acts in past didn’t turn out as i expected.I was a firm believer in the adage “Never have regret of any thing because once it was what,what you wanted that time.”This deep rooted belief in me is shaking now.There are many reasons for this is, the most inane one was when i revealed about my first crush(which at that time i thought something more deeper than crush) in public.which i should have had contain to myself and to very chosen few friends.After this blunder i am nothing but more than a laughing stock and still haunted by the spectre of regular satire.I regret for one more thing, when some people snub me harshly or give me a cavalier treatment,then i ask to myself that, why i went to him or was i sounding so silly?,or they don’t like me.No i am not a paranoid,though for some this may be a very maudlin and boring writing.But what i consider this as platform where i can express my true feelings most honestly and without any interruption. one thing that i learned from the hostel life,that people(not all) here are very unforgiving.A single silly move can make you a laughing stock.one should be very well aware of, which side of his or her bread is buttered,then act accordingly.A silent person often is the victim of prejudices and garrulous boy like me is never taken seriously and considered as a laughing stock.But as they say “old habits seldom die”,so i know neither i am going to change nor they.

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